[REVIEW] Autumn Memories

Title: Autumn Memories
Author: star-chan
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/autumnmemories/
Reviewer: Kawaii_love @ My Sensation

Autumn Memories [One Shot] by Star-chan.

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 4/5
The title was very attractive. I really like the image it sets in the mind.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 7/10
Your background is very nice. But you put so many pictures in the poster that it looked crowded. And the grey for the background makes the entire thing look a bit dull. You could have used one of the softer colors that were used in your poster for the background.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 9/10
It was beautiful and a well written forewords. I loved the fact that it was not a summary. I thank you for that. I saw the image perfectly in my head. I loved the fact that you didn’t reveal who the person in the forewords was.

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 5/15
Your plot is very cliché. The whole entire thing with leukemia and the piano and making dreams come true before she went to surgery isn’t very original. She is surviving and acting like she didn’t remember. This reminded me a lot of a walk to remember and the mv for tong hua. I gave you points for writing it and holding my attention for a good 10 minutes.

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 8/10
I learned a lot about Ryeowook. I didn’t learn much about the girl. I wasn’t even sure what kind of person she was. You could have showed more events where it shows her personality perfectly.

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 2/10
As I said before, this story was not creative or original at all.

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 5/10
Here were some mistakes from your first chapter.

Original sentences written by you would be after Such as:

Sentences that I’ve edited would be, it should be: and Or:

You used unnecessary punctuation marks.

Such as: The first time I met you, was by the river, wasn’t it?

It should be: The first time I met you was by the river, wasn’t it?

You used the wrong tense and worded some sentences wrong.

Such as: I remember it as though it were yesterday..

It should be: I remember it as if it was yesterday.

Some of your sentences are too long and wordy.

Such as: Watching you from afar, I couldn’t tell if you were smiling or debating whether you were to throw yourself into the river, and so I approached you.

It should be: Watching you from afar, I couldn’t tell if you were smiling or debating whether you were going to throw yourself into the river. So I approached you.

You also used wrong tenses

Such as: I saw you smile, and turned to face me with a gleam in your eye.

It should be: I saw you smile and turn to face me with a gleam in your eye.

You used the wrong vocabulary.

Such as: Whilst we looked at each other,

It should be: While we looked at each other,

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 9/10

You had a good flow for a one-shot. It was perfectly written for flow. I wouldn’t have asked for it to be faster or slower.

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 13/15

I liked your writing style. It was easy to understand and it was interesting to read.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 5/5

Even though it was very cliché, I still liked this story a lot.

`Total : 67/100

`Bonus : 5/5

I gave you these points because I liked this one-shot a lot.

Overall Total: 72/100

Good job on the story. Most of the points lost for your story were because of the story’s originality. It was nothing about the way you wrote. You are an excellent writer. Unless you wrote that this story was inspired from tong hua, the originality would have been higher. Keep writing.